Number Fifty-One

Tealiberasophoterianistic Perspectives

Jesse picks…wait for it…(drumroll please)…

with 25 comments

By Jesse Phillips
After witnessing the noticeable spike in Huntsman’s approval ratings that resulted from Jake’s endorsement, I feel the need to issue one of my own. I endorse Michele Bachmann. I have 10 reasons:
  1. She’s a woman. And you thought they were all pro-choice Democrats. Silly you.
  2. She’s the prettiest candidate. Not only is she the prettiest Republican candidate, which isn’t saying much, but she’s even prettier than Obama, which is saying a lot.
  3. She’d be the prettiest president. As an exercise, put a picture of Bachmann next to a picture of President Taft, and then thank the Lord for how far America has come. I’m not a progressive, but that’s progress I can support.
  4. She’s not Romney. Of course, what I mean is that she didn’t support Romneycare, which is the greatest thing since Obamacare.
  5. She’s not Hillary Clinton. If I knew I wouldn’t die, I would totally dress up as a reporter and ask Senator Clinton, “How does it feel to NOT be our nation’s first woman president?” Then I would run away, because I’m a coward.
  6. She’s not Sarah Palin. Silly media, you picked the wrong principled conservative woman to incessantly lampoon for the last few years. Epic media fail? You betcha!
  7. She kind of is Sarah Palin. She’s enough like Sarah Palin that she allows Palin supporters like me to vote for Sarah vicariously through voting for Michele. Some parents live vicariously through their children. Palin would be president vicariously through Bachmann.
  8. She’s had 23 foster children. Are you kidding me? My three sons are challenging enough. That says a lot about a person’s character. I don’t care what you think about personal character, but I’m with the founders–virtuous character matters.
  9. She voted no on raising the debt ceiling. Regardless of what you may think about that, I see someone standing on principle and not playing the sort of political games that got us in this mess we’re in.
  10. She has private sector experience. Insert comment about Obama’s lack of it here.

Bachmann’s website has a picture of midwestern rolling wheat fields and a comment about America’s founding documents. I know some will see that and wonder, “What? Your campaign website mentions ‘documents’?!!?” To many, this speaks of irrelevance. The ‘relevant’ issues are how is government going to fix all our problems. Therein lies the biggest difference between me and someone who is liberal.

Call me crazy, but I actually think anything called the “Supreme law of the land” (i.e. the Constitution) should be taken seriously enough to consider what the guys who wrote it meant when they wrote it (originalism). Having someone who agrees with that philosophy in the White House would be very welcome “Change.”


All attempts at humor aside, my political analysis is that:

  1. We are a center-right country, if you look at polling on the pro-life issue and economic policy. Not far right, but center-right, nonetheless. Michele is within that center-right spectrum on fiscal and social issues. Her refusal to play political hard-ball with issues like the debt-ceiling has branded her as being far-right among the Washington establishment, but have you looked at the approval ratings of Congress lately? Have you seen the polling on how much people trust main stream media? Being unpopular in Washington might be her greatest asset. It’s actually good to be far-right compared with the Washington establishment, because that’s where most of the country is.
  2. There is no reason why a conservative woman can’t win when she stands on principle, has served in congress, speaks well, is knowledgeable of the issues, has a compelling personal story and represents everything that the country is increasingly saying it needs to counteract the bad policy coming from Washington these days. I refuse to believe that this election is Obama’s to lose. Record debt and unemployment will be hard for him to overcome.
  3. The GOP won’t win without conservatives. If the GOP could win without a conservative at the top of the ticket, we’d be talking about the last few years of the McCain administration. The historic Republican gains last November didn’t happen because the Republican party moderated. They finally stood for something and the routed Democrats. More people are self-identifying as conservative than ever before, according to polling.
  4. Moderates and independents are not the same thing. There is an increasing number of independents, but the independent Tea Party movement shows that there are independents who are conservative and independents who are moderate. The passion and turnout right now is among the independent conservatives (i.e. Tea Party). A GOP candidate cannot win without widespread tea party energy and support. They might not win even with it. They definitely cannot win without it. Michele Bachmann has it.
What I wish would happen
  1. I wish we could go back in time and Palin would have entered the race sooner
  2. Since number 1 is impossible, I hope Sarah Palin will NOT enter the race. That would only split off Bachmann’s supporters and give the nomination to Romney
  3. I wish Sarah Palin would endorse Bachmann. Whoever she endorses will receive at least a 10 point spike among GOP voters
  4. I wish Herman Cain would drop out and endorse Bachmann. He consistently gets 7-10% in the polls I’ve seen. A 5% boost from Cain’s supporters, and 10% from Palin’s would solidify Michele as the candidate to beat.
I see this as a two-way race between Bachmann and Romney right now, moderate establishment versus grassroots base. In this political climate the conservative with grassroots support will win the GOP primary.

Written by Jesse Phillips

June 28, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

25 Responses

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  1. Wrong choice as well…of course.


    June 28, 2011 at 1:32 pm

  2. Bachmann is a perfect choice and perfectly represents the far right Christian dominionist teabagging science denying creationist party. I’m sure Obama and all Dems are rooting for her.

    Not only is she a science denier, she has an amazingly consistent record of lying and spewing misinformation. From the Politifact Truth-o-meter:

    “Bachmann has scored five Pants on Fire ratings, plus six False ratings. After 11 encounters with the Truth-O-Meter, Bachmann continues to hold the rare distinction of an all-False/Pants on Fire record.”

    Perfect choice!


    June 28, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    • And the award for most adjectives in a post goes to…drum roll please…


      June 28, 2011 at 3:11 pm

  3. Ellen,

    Amazingly the Huffington Post and Daily Kos reviewed her negatively as well. I’m re-thinking my position now.

    – Jesse P.

    Jesse P.

    June 28, 2011 at 2:20 pm

  4. “the Founding Fathers who wrote the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence worked tirelessly to end slavery.”

    — Michele Bachmann, who stood by this statement this morning in an interview on ABC’s morning show.


    June 28, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    • Look up the abolitionist society.

      Slavery is such an atrocious debasement of human nature, that its very extirpation, if not performed with solicitous care, may sometimes open a source of serious evils.

      – Ben Franklin

      Bachmann’s statement is true. There were founding fathers who wrote the Constitution working tirelessly to end slavery.

      Jesse P.

      June 28, 2011 at 3:13 pm

      • Oh really? George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were soooo against slavery that they owned slaves.

        Amazing how apologists can rewrite history to rationalize the ignorance of those they support.


        June 28, 2011 at 5:26 pm

      • Ellen, nobody said that none of the founders had slaves. Bachmann said that there were founders who worked hard against slavery. She was right. Many of the framers were anti-slavery. It was a huge debate back then.

        Jesse P.

        June 28, 2011 at 6:10 pm

      • I don’t think this should be as big of an issue right now. However, I think you’re missing the difference here, Jesse. Bachmann said all of the founders worked tirelessly to end slavery. Now you said “many of the framers were anti-slavery.” Those are two different things. I am anti-abortion, but I can’t say I work tirelessly to end it. Do you see the distinction?

        Again, just let me say I don’t think this should even be an issue right now. There are much more important issues to talk about—things that matter more than mistaken quotes.


        June 28, 2011 at 6:24 pm

  5. Jesse,

    Many of the founding fathers said they believed slavery violated the American ideal of liberty. However, they did not “work tirelessly” to end slavery. They cared too much about limited government and personal property rights to become involved in the fight against slavery. Believing that something is wrong and actually having the courage to do something about it are two very different things. Bachmann was wrong here—as she has been on an alarming number of occasions.

    “I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.” 4/2009 —too bad Gerald Ford was president

    “Well what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That’s the kind of spirit that I have, too” 6/2011 —Oh no, that was the serial killer John Wayne Gacy. Whoops.

    “I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?” 10/2008 —Pinko commies? This sounds familiar…

    ”I don’t know where they’re going to get all this money because we’re running out of rich people in this country.” 2/2009 —Tell that to Sudan. I dare you.


    June 28, 2011 at 4:21 pm

  6. If they can deny science, rewrite history, justify facts without evidence, what else can they lie about or be in denial of?

    Answer: just about anything.


    June 28, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    • Ellen, I think liberals deny science, manipulate data, rewrite history, justify failed ideology and flat out lie.

      Jesse P.

      June 28, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    • And many of them are racists, socialists, fascists, communists….
      really, where do all these personal attacks get us?

      Jesse P.

      June 28, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    • Ellen,

      I think your comment is more true for government as a whole, not a specific party.


      June 28, 2011 at 6:19 pm

  7. Jason, I know it’s a matter of perspective, but I disagree with you on the founders and slavery. But while we’re throwing out gaffes, here’s a few from Obama.

    “One such translator was an American of Haitian descent, representative of the extraordinary work that our men and women in uniform do all around the world — Navy Corpse-Man Christian Brossard.” – Obama

    “Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go.”

    “In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died — an entire town destroyed.” The actual death toll: 12.

    Jesse P.

    June 28, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    • All I want is a president who always tells the truth and doesn’t make any mistakes while speaking. Is that too much to ask?

      10,000 people? That’s a bad one.


      June 28, 2011 at 6:17 pm

  8. To further my analysis, there are four main types of county Republican groups/organizations, which will have a great impact on the primary. Young/College Republicans, Women Republicans, Reagan Republicans and Executive Committees.

    1. Young/College Republicans: increasingly libertarian, like many young people. They’ve always strayed a bit from the party establishment, are the most likely to support Ron Paul, will stray very far from Romney and probably land somewhere between Bachmann and Pawlente.

    2. Women Republicans: probably the most conservative, energetic, and most likely to support Bachmann, a conservative woman. These moms and grandmothers get more done than anyone on the other side of the aisle would want to know.

    3. Reagan Republicans: probably the most vitriol for Romney comes from this group, given RomneyCare. This is the old-guard principled conservative base. They hate Obama the most since they are old enough to remember his polar opposite, Reagan.

    4. Executive Committees: party establishment and official apparatus, probably the most likely to support Romney, although there are signs they are learning the lesson of this last November and folks desire for conservatism to be articulated.

    So you’ve got 3 of the 4 groups in my mind leaning toward Bachmann in a Romney/Bachmann race. Romney will rely on the party establishment and will need to hope for some faction between the other three. I think the other three will align behind Bachman as soon as it becomes apparent that Cain can’t win and Palin’s not running.

    I’m not convinced that the entire party establishment will solidify behind Romney. New’t Gingrich, for all his conservative ideas, is actually entrenched enough in the party that I actually think he’ll pull of more of Romney’s supporters than Bachmann’s (tea party/young republicans hate New’t).

    It will be fascinating to watch.

    Jesse P.

    June 28, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    • I’m guessing you don’t see the irony of your post?

      Jake Phillips

      June 29, 2011 at 1:23 pm

  9. While Rep. Michelle Bachmann, R-Minn., has forcefully denounced government healthcare and the Medicaid program for swelling the “welfare rolls,” the mental health clinic run by her husband has been collecting annual Medicaid payments totaling over $137,000 for the treatment of patients since 2005, according to new figures obtained by NBC News. The previously unreported payments are on top of the $24,000 in federal and state funds that Bachmann & Associates, the clinic founded by Marcus Bachmann, a clinical therapist, received in recent years under a state grant


    Game over.


    June 29, 2011 at 12:14 am

    • Sorry, the irony comment is in regards to the post about Michelle Bachmann’s hypocrisy.

      Jake Phillips

      June 29, 2011 at 1:24 pm

      • Jake, she already said game over. That means you can’t post anymore.


        June 29, 2011 at 2:13 pm

  10. Having just discovered this blog, I’m reading through posts and got to this one. I consider it to be the best written satire I’ve read in ages.

    Then I found out it wasn’t satire.


    Rob Swanson

    July 5, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    • Hahaha. Word.

      Jake Phillips

      July 5, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    • Rob, it was KIND of satire. Give me some credit.

      Jesse P.

      July 5, 2011 at 5:39 pm

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